12/16
And it fails on all fronts
After a heist goes awry, a thief and a troubled orphan must rescue their kidnapped partner from a ruthless drug lord and her charming killer. This movie tries too hard to be stylish and charming, like the first Smokin’ Aces movie. Lou Diamond Phillips plays him as well as anyone can, though he’s mostly unrecognizable. The rest are so over-the-top caricatures that they’re just two-dimensional and annoying.
The action is actually boring for the most part
The screaming and googly eyes don’t make this anything funny or clever. The movie seems to think it needs an action scene every five minutes to keep you watching – and that’s partly true. The plot is so dull and all over the place that it’s hard to follow. Or rather, it’s hard to care enough to bother following it.
The CGI pretty much ruins the stunts
There’s some guy who stole money or something. And at least two other groups of people want it from him for reasons that have just been blurred to me. It’s incredibly hard to care about any of the characters when none of them are real in any way. The admittedly skilled stuntmen working on this lose credibility when you realize how much of it is green screen.
Why did any of this happen?
The main character can’t even ride a motorcycle on a straight road without having to register it on his phone. I got to the end, despite wanting to give up a few times. Since most of the time the gunshot wounds turned out to be minor, the stakes were generally low. When people actually died, it was hard to believe they were really dying, having previously ignored the worse.
Why did anyone care?
Did anyone win in the end? I don’t know, and I watched the whole thing.
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